Clear-headed, confident decision making boils down to two key variables: knowing what you want, and knowing the price you're willing to pay for it.
Like any mathematical equation, when you know those two values, "solving for r" (making the decision) is easy. When you don't know those values, it can be a real knot of a problem that keeps you stumped for days, weeks, or even years.
Knowing What You Want
Many of us struggle making a decision when we are not clear about what we want. And how could it be any other way? A decision, at its heart, is a commitment to a particular course of action in order to produce a desired result. If you are not clear about the result you want to create, then there is no clear path forward. There is no framework for evaluating the alternatives, prioritizing your costs and benefits, and generally moving forward.
And yet as obvious and fundamental as "knowing what you want" may sound to decision making, we often stew in a haze of confusion and generalities that we don't take the time to clear away.
The solution is to take the time to get clear about, and to clearly articulate, what you want out of the situation, regardless of the way it's been presented to you (often a binary, either/or scenario). Once you know what you want, you can begin carving a path to that outcome.
Knowing the Price You're Willing to Pay
Once you know what you want, you can brainstorm alternatives and creative ways of getting it. There are likely many more choices than the binary choice that you see at first blush.
But you must know the price you're willing to pay to get what you want. Many people know exactly what they want, and can come up with ways to make it happen, but they aren't willing to sacrifice anything or pay the price to get it.
It is true that if you are especially creative with your alternatives, you may be able to devise a solution that does not have any real costs or sacrifices, which is one reason I advocate brainstorming multiple alternatives (Step 3 of the DECIDE! process).
But despite our best efforts, we're not always able to get lunch for free. When we want something of value in our lives, we often must give something for it, whether it is giving our time, our effort, our courage and willingness to make mistakes, our money, or any other price we may need to pay.
You must be clear about the price you're willing to pay for what you want. If something is worth the price, then gladly pay it, and get on with fully enjoying what you sacrificed for. It was a fair exchange and it was worth it to you. No regrets.
But if the price is too high, then accept that too, with no regrets or hand-wringing. Perhaps you want to learn how to fly an airplane, but you simply aren't willing to pay $125 an hour for flying lessons. That's fine. You wanted something (to learn how to fly), but you want something else more (save that $125 per hour for something else). Don't begrudge it, and don't regret it. You are only willing to pay so much, and beyond that, it just isn't worth it. That's ok. You can either go back to Step 3 (Come up with alternatives -- perhaps a friend will teach you the basics for much less) or let it go, because it didn't mean enough.
Solving For R
The next time you face what seems like a complicated decision, get out a blank sheet of paper, or open your journal or digital notepad, so we can clear out that haze of confusion.
First, ask yourself: "Setting aside all the distractions, fears, worries, and options I've so far seen, what do I want out of this situation?"
Ponder the question, relax, and let the answers come. Brainstorm your ideal outcome. Get clear and specific on what you want, without worrying yet how to get it.
Once you have that, start brainstorming alternatives, all the creative ways to make your goal happen.
As you review your alternatives, recognize that you may need to pay a price for what you want, and be ok with that. Consider what price is worth it, and what price is too high. Be ok with that.
When you know what you want, and the price you're willing to pay, making decisions becomes much clearer, much more simple, and much more certain.
Like any mathematical equation, when you know those two values, "solving for r" (making the decision) is easy. When you don't know those values, it can be a real knot of a problem that keeps you stumped for days, weeks, or even years.
Knowing What You Want
Many of us struggle making a decision when we are not clear about what we want. And how could it be any other way? A decision, at its heart, is a commitment to a particular course of action in order to produce a desired result. If you are not clear about the result you want to create, then there is no clear path forward. There is no framework for evaluating the alternatives, prioritizing your costs and benefits, and generally moving forward.
And yet as obvious and fundamental as "knowing what you want" may sound to decision making, we often stew in a haze of confusion and generalities that we don't take the time to clear away.
The solution is to take the time to get clear about, and to clearly articulate, what you want out of the situation, regardless of the way it's been presented to you (often a binary, either/or scenario). Once you know what you want, you can begin carving a path to that outcome.
Knowing the Price You're Willing to Pay
Once you know what you want, you can brainstorm alternatives and creative ways of getting it. There are likely many more choices than the binary choice that you see at first blush.
But you must know the price you're willing to pay to get what you want. Many people know exactly what they want, and can come up with ways to make it happen, but they aren't willing to sacrifice anything or pay the price to get it.
It is true that if you are especially creative with your alternatives, you may be able to devise a solution that does not have any real costs or sacrifices, which is one reason I advocate brainstorming multiple alternatives (Step 3 of the DECIDE! process).
But despite our best efforts, we're not always able to get lunch for free. When we want something of value in our lives, we often must give something for it, whether it is giving our time, our effort, our courage and willingness to make mistakes, our money, or any other price we may need to pay.
You must be clear about the price you're willing to pay for what you want. If something is worth the price, then gladly pay it, and get on with fully enjoying what you sacrificed for. It was a fair exchange and it was worth it to you. No regrets.
But if the price is too high, then accept that too, with no regrets or hand-wringing. Perhaps you want to learn how to fly an airplane, but you simply aren't willing to pay $125 an hour for flying lessons. That's fine. You wanted something (to learn how to fly), but you want something else more (save that $125 per hour for something else). Don't begrudge it, and don't regret it. You are only willing to pay so much, and beyond that, it just isn't worth it. That's ok. You can either go back to Step 3 (Come up with alternatives -- perhaps a friend will teach you the basics for much less) or let it go, because it didn't mean enough.
Solving For R
The next time you face what seems like a complicated decision, get out a blank sheet of paper, or open your journal or digital notepad, so we can clear out that haze of confusion.
First, ask yourself: "Setting aside all the distractions, fears, worries, and options I've so far seen, what do I want out of this situation?"
Ponder the question, relax, and let the answers come. Brainstorm your ideal outcome. Get clear and specific on what you want, without worrying yet how to get it.
Once you have that, start brainstorming alternatives, all the creative ways to make your goal happen.
As you review your alternatives, recognize that you may need to pay a price for what you want, and be ok with that. Consider what price is worth it, and what price is too high. Be ok with that.
When you know what you want, and the price you're willing to pay, making decisions becomes much clearer, much more simple, and much more certain.